People are like springs – How to reach the ones we love

People are like springs – How to reach the ones we love

Often in our lives we try to encourage people whom we love to come to Christ. We do this out of the best of intentions and desires that we have for other people.   We need to understand how we are influenced even from childhood.  We should understand also the various Christly techniques that lead to the best possible success in reaching people’s hearts.

When we were children there was a direct influence on us by our parents and by the use of their example.  As we got older, each step we took in this life was more and more a personal choice driven by upbringing, desire and conscious choice.  By the time we are adults we may still be submissive to other adults.  This can be a positive or negative influence on us.  Our own personal changes can still be influenced through a request from someone important to us.  We as human beings are given our freedom by God.  Because of this, in order to be influenced, we must allow the influence on us.  In allowing this influence we make the requested desire or intention our own.  

This may seem strange considering that many influences in our lives or socializations are delivered to our subconscious.  People subtly seem to be able to influence others by using a hidden, step by step process.  This appears to contradict the truth that our permission is needed in order to be influenced.  The truth is however, we must capitulate or give in subconsciously to the subtle influences in some way in order to be influenced by them.  This can be demonstrated by understanding that if the subtle influence we receive go against what we believe or want in our hearts, it will be received like acid, a cold bath or rough sandpaper.

Similar to the parable of the sower, there are various reactions to influences or suggestions we receive.  When someone gives us an obvious suggestion that we are hesitant about, we might openly or privately disagree.  We may also agree to the suggestion, and afterwards not do it in order to avoid conflict.  We may temporarily do the suggestion to pacify the person desiring us to change.  We may do the suggestion given to us, but inwardly be in disagreement with it and never actually change “Just going through the motions.” Or we may, to the joy of the person desiring to help us, truly reflect and weigh the suggestion in our hearts. 

When speaking to people about Christ, I realized in my priestly work that people are like springs.  If I push people push back. Our wills can be like the donkey who when pushed resists vehemently to the suggestion no matter how good the suggestion may be.  However when the donkey is encouraged positively and very gently pulled in a direction, he starts to move on his own making the direction his own idea. 

Here are some suggestions on how we can influence others in a Godly way. 

First:  We must pray for them.  This is first because true change must come from within and only the Holy Spirit can create the spark that becomes a burning desire from within.  What we seek for the person in prayer must truly be for their salvation and sanctification.  This is not a violation of human freedom, but the action of freeing the soul which naturally desires God. 

1 Corinthians 12.3: Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking by the Spirit of God ever says “Let Jesus be cursed!” and no one can say “Jesus is Lord” except by the Holy Spirit. - NRSV

Second:  The door must remain open.  Our pride would like to shut the door if the person does not do what we ask the first time or the tenth time.  We may even not give the person a way out of a bad situation because of our pride.  We must however always give them an out, give them an opportunity to save face, show them that we respect their freedom in deciding what they want to do.  After all, God gave them freedom and it is not our right at all to take it away.  God even allows people to reject and despise Him.  We must demonstrate a true willingness to be there for them in support when they are ready for the first steps.

Luke 11.10: For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. - NRSV

Third: Respect their freedom.  We must never push or demand, don’t use guilt or fear.  Guilt and fear must be replaced with love, desire and passion for God.  If we remain in guilt and fear we will soon believe that we are in the hands of a maniacal God, and not the Loving God that really exists.

"The goal of human freedom is not in freedom itself, nor it is in man, but in God. By giving man freedom, God has yielded to man a piece of His Divine authority, but with the intention that man himself would voluntarily bring it as a sacrifice to God, a most perfect offering. " –St Theophan the Recluse

Fourth: Positive Occasional encouragement.  We should show that the door is still open and encourage the person positively towards Christ every so often in various ways led through our own prayerful discernment.  This must be only used occasionally or we risk a “push backwards” and against the goal. Our prayerful connection to Christ will help immensely with our timing and frequency of these encouragements.  We must always encourage others all the while honestly respecting their freedom.

Fifth: Tie in something enjoyable if possible.  Many people start coming to church when people say “come to church with us and we will go out for lunch afterwards” or “we are having a pizza party for the kids at church this Friday, you are welcome to come.” or even “Our church is holding this great event (not a fund raiser) won’t you come as my guest?”.  Our faith is a faith of joy, love and peace and is logically pleasurable for the follower to be fulfilled by Christ.

Sixth: Always be a true role model in Christ through your example in humility and faith.  Hypocrisy and arrogance is never respected.  Always strive to be a good example and your efforts will be THE example.  We all struggle and it’s ok for others to see our imperfections as long as we continue in our efforts to be living in Christ.

Seventh:  Pray more!  The seed of prayer implanted by the Holy Spirit will come from within them.  Pray in process of your own sanctification and you will affect all those around you.  Pray in your own connection and purity before Christ and in turn you will deal with the speck in your brother’s eye. 

I pray these ideas will be helpful to you and guide you to give a proper approach with respect and love to those you are help. I pray these ideas bring the desire of Christ to your love one.  They are not meant to be complete; I pray that they are only helpful.

In Christ’s Love,

Fr Ted Toppses